After 'doubts'

I wrote the post on doubts

and  -- then went back and added the post script to the post about social anxiety -- that I wasn't going

I was going to camp on the couch -- and feel mopey

I get a morning text from M

Why no church baby?

Changed my mind
not feeling like jumping in and being social today

you ok?

(bastard knows there's something up)

Yes...social anxiety just got the best of me
I will set a new goal

I'm sorry love

It's ok -- sometimes I have false starts
(see me trying to make light of it -- I'm crying at this point)

Just do things in your own time as you feel good about them

But don't get down on yourself about them either

You know me well

I do

I finally admit to him that I feel I haven't done my best

which results in an emotional phone call

where he reminds me - that I'm not always going to be successful
that
pushing me is part of the point

and that if it didn't make me squirm
if I didn't struggle with it

that he wouldn't be pushing me

I pulled myself back together -- and ate something (always helpful for me)

and drank a lovely cup of earl grey

and took a nap

drop bites.