Where sfp tries something completely different (pt 1)

I have a lot to blog about

a ton

this week I decided to try something different

really different

I made an appointment with a hypnotherapist.

We'll call him H

(Hi H!!! -- it's even possible he might read this -- as he is one of us)

Why in the world would I choose to do this?
well --

I've been struggling

for a long time

a really long time

with sadness
and grief.

and yes -- those of you who read me may think, "of course you have, sfp -- you've had a rough year -- anyone would be sad"

but I have been beyond sad

and it's not right to call it depression - because it isn't

but rather -- an inability to properly process sadness
feel it

and then move on

it stays with me

there in the background

until the next opportunity to mourn something

and

then it jumps back on the bandwagon

so when I cry

the gang's all here

and I cannot stop

sometimes I cannot stop for days

you'll remember I started seeing a therapist
and
my first visit - I bawled my eyes out

I cried so hard I was incomprehensible.

but the next time -- I was better

and then the next few times after that I was fine

why?

because I wasn't triggered to be sad after that first time

so he suggested that I didn't really need to see him

I guess I wasn't broken enough?
i don't kow

whatever

the facts are - -I was seeing him when everything was great

but as you know
things stopped being great

and got hard

I have been on the verge of tears -- almost every minute of the day since the baby was taken back.

right on the edge

people who try to comfort me have been stabbing me with knives of kindness

when I just want to put up my shield and be left alone

I needed to do something

and then

I went to that class (page down -- read AVK for more about that)

and met H

and thought

maybe THIS is the thing that can help me

and worst case scenario - my pocket is lighter and I can make fun of it on my blog

but instead

I have wonderful things to tell you -- and you'll have to stay tuned to hear them

sfp

(PS - the last chapter of Lorena's story was posted earlier today -- just page down for it -- I hope you enjoyed it -- I know I enjoyed writing it)