Sometimes you're Pepe; sometimes you're the cat

S is really smitten

really

really

smitten

and I am too

I'm not quite the cat

but

there's a part of me that's the cat

I've asked S to help us keep one foot on the ground

and he mostly does

but he doesn't want to

he wants to be Pepe

all the way.

So I've been thinking about how much more often -- I've been the one who loved more. I loved Mr. C more -- more than I should have - more than he deserved.  More than evidence dictated that I should. 

and 

I loved M more.  

because as much as I love M -- I have to realize the he doesn't really want me he wants the idea of me -- and to interact with a smart funny loving woman

more

he wants to be the cat -- covered in love that he doesn't have to do anything to receive.

So

at the moment

I am the cat.

Being adored a bit too much.  And it freaks me out a bit.

particularly since I believe that he is holding back so as not to panic me

(which makes me want to giggle - this is S HOLDING BACK?!?!)

or maybe

I can just relax

and enjoy this

allow that someone might just be crazy about me

without being actually crazy

that it's ok to have someone who expresses how he feels openly

and

understand that someone might just love me

because I'm lovable.