The munch that wasn't

So
I got home yesterday

had another long talk with S
which went ok

I was better able to say what I wanted which was -- "I can't sit around and wait for all the "ifs" work out"

So he understands that I'm going to live my life
and when/if he gets here -- we'll see what happens
he took it well.

I headed off to the munch
and

well - it was a colossal fail for me

the space was really small
normally they use some of the outside space
but it's colder here than usual -- so everyone was crammed inside

and there were a lot of everyones there

crammed into what felt like (but what wasn't) a railcar

and I saw a few people I knew
and dispensed some hugs

I spoke to one or two that I've seen at other munches

and then

I decided to say "fuck it"

it was not what I think anyone would have enjoyed unless the room was already filled with their own friends

my nerves jangled
and
I gave myself permission to fail
and left

I considered going to the movies -- decided it was too late and went home

much to the delight of S
who chatted with me
and tucked me in

As for the Captain?
we haven't made our plans yet

he got stuck out of state
and sent me a message
I'm sure we'll schedule our coffee soon
it's a long holiday break

sfp

PS -- just got a message on CM from a guy who I met in person last year -- he blew kisses at me over dinner -- it was bizarre -- I hated it.