A guide through the insanity

So I jumped back into the collar me-go-round

and got pelted with the usual suspects

Some of them are easy to wade through

The guys from far away
love them
they tell you that we can make the distance work

been there

done that

we end up in a "Will not-Will to" argument every time.

and the scammers -- I had one who's profile said "military doctor" -- here's how our conversation went:

Him:  I'm in the sandbox right now -- how are things going, little one?
Me:  Fine -- is that a photo of you?
Him:  Yes - that's me.
Me:  You're Lt. Col. Barry Steinberg?
Him:  How do you know my name?
Me:  it's a famous photo.  You're not Dr. Steinberg, who is 10 years older than you and lives in Florida.

I love reporting those guys -- yes -- it costs them all of 10 minutes inconvenience -- but they have to recontact women that they're already trying to scam and start over -- so it's fun.

And I've been it by a plethora of married guys

in the background of all of this

I'm sort of wondering if I don't need to just get my kink on and not jump into anything right away -- that a month or two or search might not kill me

and to that -- we come back to SD and SD's offer to provide some guidance in the process- - a protector of sorts

and I'm thinking about taking him up on that.

You can't go back and read about SD -- he's one of the guys from the blog a few years back that I deleted.  We played once -- and had a great D/s connection

We really weren't a match.

He's offered to provide me some training and guidance -- in a non-sexual way.  Sort of a sub development course.  Not a mentorship -- because mentors don't play -- but a trainer/instructor/advisor role

and I'm considering doing it --

beyond considering -- we are negotiating our contract to do so.

which on one hand seems a bit nuts -- right?  why the hell would I let him do this?  Allow him to assist in contract negotiations -- teach me what (he thinks) a sub should be?

but -- here's the deal

I've been trying for some time to figure out what sort of sub I want to be
and I've discovered -- that I'm trying to be whatever sub the Dom wants me to be
not the sub that I want to be

M and C were low protocol Doms who might honestly have really just more kinky guys who like to occasionally put on their dom hat.

So -- that's what I'm used to

Is that what I want?

I considered going TPE with someone I used to call the Captain - do I want to do something like that?

(shrugs?) -- who knows

but what an interesting thing -- to explore that sub side -- without all the confusing sex stuff....with a man I've been friends with for 2 years.

this would mean putting most of the prospects on hold for a bit
or changing my interactions with them

but it would also mean finding out exactly how much control I'm willing to cede

which is interesting to me.

and BTW -- so far in the contract -- I would be allowed to have my vanilla relationships on the side -- as long as I don't have the D/s stuff without permission.


sfp