Stability

My girls need that more than anything

stability

there is nothing they need more than that.

yes

they need clothes
and baths
and good food

they need friends
and school
and church

they need laughter
and games
and quiet time

they need love

but
first
and foremost

they need stability.

stability is the first ingredient to build -- to rebuild trust

KittyKat slept in her own room last night.
first time ever.
she is much more adaptable than her big sister.
She would have gladly let her sister sleep with her
or crawled into the other room
there would have been no making fun
just doing it

KittyKat is a harder soul


FoxyLoxy had a harder time.
My name was called out
sometimes my own name
sometimes Mom
(I think Mom more because she thinks it pleases me and that will go in her favor - than any motherly feelings this early on)
dozens of time yesterday

She's working out a formula of things that will make me happy
because making me happy will make her life stable

I think she's used to creating an environment where everyone will be happy
so nothing bad will happen

creating her own version of stability

I can see this
because I am the Queen of this

and it will be better in time

we will create the stability.

Last night
she fought sleep very very hard
she was trying to please me by letting KK sleep in her own room
but really just wanted her sister
and could not fall asleep

so we delayed PJs endlessly
and then we bargained for more time
and asked for music
and then a game to make her more tired
and finally
when sleep failed her
came in and gave me the problem.

"nothing is working -- I can't sleep"

I let her sit with me on my bed for a few -- "ok -- do you want me to lie down with you -- or do you want to crawl in with KK?"

oooh - -she wanted KK so bad too.
but wanted her own room
and wanted to make me happy

she allowed for it
and I got down on the foot of the bed -- with an afghan
and 3 minutes later
FL had just enough stability
just enough trust
just enough exhaustion

to fall asleep.

so what about me?
don't I need a dose of that myself?
a touchstone?

well - never you fear
I've got a bit of that myself
someone who's stepped up to check in on me
advise as needed
encourage
and give me a dose of stability too

We may not get everything we want in this house
but we will get what we need most.