Tell all?

Aisha said something over on her blog about how we submissives are supposed to "share all our thoughts"

actually she was commenting about how it isn't what she does -- and maybe it makes her less of a sub.

and I started to think about it

would I want to be required to tell him everything I'm thinking?
would HE want that?

I think my answer is NO

on both counts

as a woman -- and yes, yes, -- I'm sterotyping

but as a woman

I think WAY too fucking much

I WORRY way too fucking much

personally -- I think it's how we're wired.
we're social creatures

There's no way that M wants to hear
every time I think "what does he mean by that"
and tear apart each word in a sentence

analyzing
projecting
evaluating

because - he thinks
"slut -- I meant what I said and I said what I meant -- why would you need to analyze it"

it's in our nature

I worry that he won't love me when my life changes
I worry that he will move on
I worry that I will change so much that he won't like it
I worry that he'll notice that I'm not really all that exciting
or that I'm too vanilla
or that I'm too pudgy

every thought?
no fucking way does he want/need to hear that

I think that he would be appalled

and I'm sure that I would be appalled if I could look
into his dark imagination and see what he fantasizes about

we all have thoughts that don't need to see the light of day
that aren't meant to be taken at full value
that don't need to come out and be taken to pieces

and yes --- I'm sure some of ya'll DO have that sort of relationship
and
as Aisha says-- it may make you a (I won't say "more submissive" -- we'll say "deeper submissive"

but I for one?

amd going to keep some of my
insane mental ramblings

to myself.