I read this on FB today
and I'm still surprised at how this myth continues
that men have to beg for sex
that women have it
and with hold it
that we're cold.
and I don't think it's just because
I am a woman
in touch with her sexuality
I think that it's just that we don't communicate
we don't recognize the things
that make us turn away from each other
that
we don't understand each other's needs
that he needs to know that you still desire him
that you want closeness
shoot
that you want sex too
and she wants to know the same thing
that sexual happiness is about
thinking about the other person
and what they need
and what they want
about opening ourselves up to risk
to rejection
and it's about seeing when our partner is taking a risk
by asking for sex
in whatever manner they do
and making sure he or she doesn't fall
and lose confidence
and never try again
When I was married
I would reach out to him
I would ask for sex
and he would shut me out
would I say
"darling -- I want to make love"
or
"come fuck me"
no
I would tip toe around it
I would say
"are you coming to bed"?
and he would say
"no -- you go on"
because he didn't listen
and I didn't make it clear
we lived together
on an island
I'm sure he had his ways of asking
I still don't know what they were
but I know that I didn't hear it
and
he
like me
stopped asking.
i laughed when i read the comic...and cried when i got to the end of YOUR wise words.
ReplyDeleteFor what it is worth?
i've tried using blunt language with my spouse. I said "we never have sex anymore" and she said...
"well, there's the difference, you want to have sex and I see it as making love."
So she corrected my language. I believe i added something like it didn't matter what we called it, that i missed being with her sexually...and it went back to the language of it, and not the doing of it.
That's when i knew, for certain, that our sexual relationship was dead.
Being the stubborn Swede i am? I'll never let it be resurrected, either.
(not that she's trying, mind you.)
nilla
And sometimes vanilla men act like their sex life is like the cartoon, talk about how they "can't get any," make it sound like their wife is frigid, while in reality, they demand sex daily and rape her if she tries to say no.
ReplyDeleteJust saying...
Thanks for raising the subject and sharing your experience, Sfp. I totally agree with you.
aisha
Very true.
ReplyDeleteWe went through the wife-begs-for-sex thing many (10-8) years ago. Now (2008-) we are going through the husband-has-secret-sex-blog thing.
I am so thankful to no longer be married, to no longer be living with a man, to no longer have to deal with this impossible to communicate about sex thing. I think it's such a popular stereotype that it's the woman who doesn't want sex, that when it's actually the man who doesn't want sex, he'll still whine that it's the woman's fault.
ReplyDelete@Nilla -- ooh -- sorry sweetie -- I didn't mean to make you cry. It sort of took a turn as I wrote it.
ReplyDelete@Aisha -- that's a hard fact that many of us don't think about. Thank you for sharing it.
@PL - the men and women thing is tough to crack
@t1klish - it's a hard stereotype to break -- and we're afraid to admit that we want it (it makes us sluts) and if they don't want it they're not manly
golly -- it can be tough to work out all this man/woman junk
sfp