choosing

very soon I will be choosing

In my interview
I had to say what the dream was

the case worker said that it's her job to know the dream
but to open my mind to the possibility that the dream
might lie outside my tiny parameters.

so my license will read
ages 0 to 17

(particularly since she points out that a 17 yr regularly visits my home -- I have to be licensed for that age for her to say here once I have a placement -- AND I have to be licensed for enough "beds" to include her and however many kiddos)

I've been thinking about that idea

that it's good to know the dream
but to have people in our lives that
help us to see outside out tiny box

that can be wonderful

M lives firmly outside my tiny box

He was a "NO"

but he helped me to see outside that.

I've been having conversations where I'm on the other side of
that transaction lately

My BFF is struggling with her work
she and I work in the same field
and
things are not going well

and she has started to question if she's in the right job

in all fairness -- her boss is a d bag --

I started to say an Ass -- but I have a fondness for asses

and we've started exploring it

what brings her happiness in her work
is it the stuff that's integral to what we do?
(I don't think it is)

and she's started to consider making changes
that will allow her to go back to school

baby steps

Hmm -- I titled this choosing
I should get back to that.

I'm going to have to choose

my friends tell me

"You will KNOW when it's the right one"

whatever

no I won't.

there is no "right one"

there are just lots of lids that fit my pot

and I'm glad that I have people helping me
that are smart enough to know

that my initial dream
may not be the dream I really need -- want -- or get

but it will still be wonderful.