I needed him

So --

after I caught on fire this morning

I just needed him

I needed him very badly

I had received a text -- and I called -- but he didn't pick up
so I texted asking him to call me

He didn't get the message right away
and by the time he called

I was calm

until I heard his voice

and had to explain it all to him

and I kept saying I was sorry

which is silly

it was just an accident

a stupid accident

and I wasn't meaning to say I was sorry for getting hurt
or for calling

I was sorry for blubbering on the phone

it was the having to tell it
making it fresh again

it was telling him that I have to cut my hair
and that I hope he likes bangs -- because
I'm going to have to cut some serious bangs to cover this

it was knowing that he was upset that he isn't here
to comfort me
and to tell me it isn't all that bad
and that I'm ok

that he wasn't here to see for himself that
I'm not really hurt
that he wasn't here to decide if I needed to
get medical help

I needed to call him

about an hour later I got an ecard from him

I hope you are feeling better, and I am so happy you needed to call me. I wish I had been there sooner, but I always want to be here for you love. I hope the rest of the weekend is wonderful.

and it always strikes me when these things happen -- how different we are from "normal" people

that being needed isn't something that makes us cringe

it's something thrive on

that it's not a bother to tell him I'm upset and cry on this shoulder

that

although he prefers I be happy

that he wants to be the one I want

happy

sad

scared

hurt

he wants to be the one