New Readers

Someone's been reading my blog (stat counter is cool)

in fact

she (I think it's a she -- but I could be wrong) - she read my entire blog in about a day and 1/2

all of it

and

um

well it's strange

I've been thinking about what it would be to read this entire blog
the entire 3 years

in a sitting

a bit strange as I've deleted much of 2010 and 2011 -- things I did not wish to remember

but I've been thinking about the emotional rollercoaster ride it's been

to read them
one right after the other

I wonder how it makes you feel?

I've done the same thing with a series that I never watched - -I did it with The West Wing -- watching them back to back to back

drinking them in gulps

when read this way -- I must seem like a strange perverted soap opera

and when you get to today
it must feel jarring

as it screeches to a halt and now has to be read in real time.

and now I imagine her reading it -- today -- and thinking -- how surreal it is to read about herself (or himself)

at the same time
something odd has happened.

Mr. C's fiance has asked to read the blog
and I have given it to her
and have given him leave to read it as well

she's feeling a bit lonely in subland
and they both thought that blogs might help

I know she has gone back and read some of the Mr. C stuff -- the worst of it is locked away in the old blog --
and how strange it must feel to read someone else's opinions of the man you love

the man that she knows better than I ever knew him

how odd

all of this thinking about readers
makes me think about the way I write

and

makes me so much more aware of the strangeness of the way I write

because - -yes -  I know it's strange -

I write the way the words form in my head

like a Def Jam Poet

and I wonder
what those two types of readers take from it

One reader - -who only knows of me what she reads -- and who has been drinking form the fire hose

and the other two readers who know me -- or know the topic - too too well - and read their own subtext into the words

ultimately

I will always blog for me
but

it's interesting to think for a few minutes
about them

and about you

and our very unusual relationship -- carried out right here as you fill in the spaces between the words and flesh me out.