Insecurity?

I have been struggling with what to write.

BB and I met on Saturday
and I have my bruised bottom as evidence.

and we did not talk on Sunday

we texted

but we never got to talk.

He had family things planned
and so did I

and we talked about talking
but it didn't happen

he was either busy when I called
or asleep

and so I thought

How do I feel?

Here I am -- over a day later -- spanked by someone I just met
and no talk the next day

So I feel Insecure?
hmmm

I've been trying it on for size -- the idea that he didn't like me as much as I liked him.
the idea that maybe because I couldn't take everything he had to give on Satuday that he is bored already

but it doesn't quite fit.
I don't really feel insecure about that
if he doesn't actually like me
(shrugs)
then he's not the man I thought he was --
so I don't want him

but that's not the case

Do I feel happy?
no

Happy isn't quite right - there's a lot of things going on in my life right now that get in the way of "happy"
and I think of happy as a very etherial feeling

you don't get to hold on to happy endlessly
but as long as you hover near happy -- and touch it from time to time-- you will have a good life.

I'm not frustrated
or irritated
or impatient

I guess I just feel content and centered

yes

CENTERED

that's what I'm feeling

I have had the much needed beating
and no -- it wasn't how I imagined it
but I took it up to my limit

and yes - my threshold is small at this point
I barely know him

and I feel centered.
my brain is quiet
my bottom is sore

and I am ready for whatever the world brings me