Be Vewy Qwiet

...I'm hunting Wabbits

well

not quite

but I am quiet lately.

It was a shitty week.

M and I had to rehash some thing - -it was emotional and we're better now

but it left me raw.

I had to ask S to leave me alone

very forcefully
and multiple times

I am sorry that I had to hurt him
but I was starting to think that I was going to end up as a skin hat at the end of the movie.

Rule # 1 - don't become a cautionary tale.

and

things have quieted down on CM
whew

which is nice

there's a few that I've asked to step back while I work things out
and mostly

I've said "no" a lot.

and there's nothing wrong with that.

so - what's Rule #2?

aha

well - for me?

it's "don't chase men"

because I am a man chaser.

yes

I am

and I'm done with it.

which is not to say that I'm going to sit at home and hope the Dom of my dreams rings my bell.

but rather

I'm not going to call, text, follow up -- with someone who may or may not be interested.

because I've come to the conclusion (rather late in life I know)

that a man is more than happy to have you -- until the right thing comes along.

wow -- that sounds really callous
an maybe it is

but I think it's a bit like eating a zinger

you don't go shopping for zingers
but they're there at the convenience store
and you pick one up
and take it to the car
you remember opening it
and you ate them
you must have eaten then
because they are gone
but you didn't really enjoy them
and
there's only a vague memory of eating them
(were there really 3?  I ate 3?)

it's convenient.

I chased M
and I made things easy for M

but when it came down to it
he wasn't willing to drive to the store to get more

because he didn't want zingers after all.

so

no more chasing men

so
who's chasing me?

oh- there'll be more about that soon --

I assure you.