Trying things on for size

We had our long conversation last night
about what he's like

what he wants to control

and he says it's a lot

Not work
or family
or church
or money

but much of the rest of it

Not to micromanage -- but to have a say over things that are outside my normal routine

and he was specific

"some friends"

meaning -- IMO (but I haven't asked) - men friends or maybe friends that he perceives to be a bad influence.

so - here's some of our conversation today

Me:  I have shut down CM until we decide, to eliminate other distractions

BB:  Ok, that's a good thing

Me:  Yes....I think so too...if we don't happen, I can turn it back on.

ok -- so I should have just shut the fuck up.
because he hates when I do this
when I put "IFs" around us being together
He's a "power of positive thinking guy"

BB:  There you go with the "if we don't happen".  I tell you what -- turn it bak on and if we do happen then turn it off.

Me: (backpeddling wildly)  I don't wish to.  May I take it back?

BB:  No you may not take it back.  I see you always feel the need to let me know if might not work - as if I need to be reminded constantly.

so I did turn it back on
and notified him of it
and was unhappy about it.
and expressed that I only am trying to show that I'm not putting pressure on things

later on

BB:  So start today.  Call me "Daddy" - also start asking permission

(by which he means for anything out of the ordinary)

and this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy again
and I asked for permission for a shopping trip this afternoon and was granted it.

**********

So -- we're off -- I'm going to try this out -- see how it feels.
right now it's harmless
and
he's a good solid man



and that space you see right there?
that was me avoiding saying "if we don't work out"

which I clearly need to wipe out of my vocabulary

sfp