Saturday, March 16, 2013

Willfulness

will·ful also wil·ful  (wlfl)
adj.
1. Said or done on purpose; deliberate. See Synonyms at voluntary.
2. Obstinately bent on having one's own way.
willful·ly adv.
willful·ness n.



I am struggling with the willful nature of these two children.  Partially because it's infuriating - and partially because

it's so fucking foreign to me.

I was not a willful child

which is not to say that I was always good

not even

but

I was not a kiddo that would stare down a parent

and I don't think that it's just because back in "my day" kids were better

because I think that's bull

I think that some kids are more willful than others

and somehow

I think that my lack of understanding for it

makes me a bit less tolerant of it
a bit more

infuriated by it

more willing to lock horns over it

 and -- those who are coaching me on this?

 their advice is to get even more firm

 (this includes their therapist)

 it leaves me exhausted at the end of the day

 and wanting to crawl up in Sir P's virtual lap.


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6 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 17, 2013 at 5:49 AM

    Here is a virtual shoulder to lean on. If you are offered therapy for the kids go for it it helped ours no end.It opened the locked box in the back of there heads, with all the shit things that happened to them. When thay started talking things went great after that.Happy paddys day all the best and lots of strenth!
    Ashlyxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. abbyMarch 17, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    Some children are harder to raise....hang in there...you can do this..for them.
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
  3. JzMarch 17, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    You know, I WAS a willful child (it's genetic)
    Even understanding the mindset, I still find it exhausting to deal with. (the genes found their way into the nephew, too...)
    Knowing what's coming at you doesn't make it easier.
    I'll lean into you from the back to help you stay upright and strong - because the therapist is right, that IS what they need. (darn it all)

    YY

    ReplyDelete
  4. sinMarch 17, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    Big hug - not sure what to say - I wasn't a willful child (though I was a rebellious teen) and my kids aren't willful either. So good luck to you!

    -sin

    ReplyDelete
  5. nillaMarch 17, 2013 at 9:18 PM

    its a hard row to hoe, no doubt about it. Raising an autistic (undiagnosed) child was a lot like raising a wilful child and I hated so much about the task of it. The constant go arounds ARE exhausting. Someday there will be a breakthrough, and the most important thing is consistency.
    if FL slams the door and its on the "no no list" the consequence has to be the same each time...and it wears you down.

    i get it. i really truly do. it sucks and all you can do is get up each day and tackle it again (hows that for the absolutely most depressing comment, ever).

    but ...in the end?

    you'll be happy when they begin to accede control to you. Won't happen fast...but it WILL happen.

    one more piece of unsolicited advice?
    try to "catch them" being good, and reward that. So many times we get locked into the negative loop...and catching the good is as beneficial to YOU as to them.

    hug and much love and caring.

    nilla

    ReplyDelete
  6. nillaMarch 18, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    It's a win...hard won...but good for you, sfp.

    HUGE hugs...
    nilla

    ReplyDelete

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