Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The light at the end of the tunnel isn't always a train

So after some brutal fucking days

that made me want to quit

that made me want to call up my agency and say

take them

fuck it

why would ANYONE want this

love them?

I don't even LIKE them

things have settled a bit

we had the show down

and afterwards

I introduced a new aspect to the red/yellow/green plan

the gold coin.

you earn gold coins for having green days

and for random rewards

good table manners

doing something randomly nice

today I awarded a coin each for a nag free morning.

and

the combination is working

the coins are good for TV

they also
and anything else they might want

and

we've had 3 days

in a row

with both girls in the green

although KK did have to clean out the car to get out of yellow

Barbie is out of barbie prison

all is right with the world.

in other news

FL has started to ask about how I would feel if they lived with me forever

"would you be happy? - would we celebrate?"

oh

there's a trick question.

answer:

I only want what's best for you -- right now - we're all working to help your mom get better so you can go home again.....but - -if what's best for you both is to stay here with me -- I would be so happy -- we would always celebrate that day as family day -- a holiday - and would do something special every year"

She had to talk to cps today about her case
and
she can't sleep now

I told her she could fall asleep with her pillow leaned against me
she needed a little extra support tonight

and she's starting to let me in
and see that I'm no the enemy.

Do I think that it will always be this way?

fuck no

next week they'll see mom
and it'll be a fucking train wreck again

but I'm going to enjoy these few days

and try to record them here
and remember them

so later on

I can remember

that there was a glimpse of happy
on March 20, 2013.
at

7 comments:

  1. SirQsmlbMarch 21, 2013 at 5:51 AM

    I don't know if you'd e believe me if I told you...but life is like that with kids you birthed and who've experienced minimal trauma. My grandma used to commiserate with me about the roller coaster of parenthood. She say, some days you'd pay someone a nickel to take 'em (the kids)...but after a spell you'd be runnin' 'em down and payin' a quarter to get them back. I would frequently tell her that sometimes the couple of days off might help with perspective. She agreed.

    Yea for 3/20/13...yea for hangin in there!!

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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  2. mouseMarch 21, 2013 at 11:13 AM

    This made mouse smile..Really...

    Sending huge hugs and kudos for coming up with a great plan!!

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
  3. nillaMarch 21, 2013 at 11:42 AM

    It's all about finding those glimses.

    So glad you've had a nice run of happy. :)

    nilla

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  4. AnonymousMarch 21, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    glimpse of happy is good!

    sending hugs

    ~faithful

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 21, 2013 at 3:33 PM

    Just yay! The gold coins were a stroke of brilliance, imo, and don't we all love those "good girls"? Give yourself several too, for being so wise. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. sinMarch 21, 2013 at 7:45 PM

    yep, I second and third what everyone else has said here. Enjoy it while it's good.

    -sin

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownMarch 22, 2013 at 5:03 PM

    Love the coin idea. Might have to make use of that one. Having kids is hard, but it does have its rewards. When the kids are troubled the bad days can sometimes outweigh the good, but it will get better.

    *hugs*

    Turiya

    ReplyDelete

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