So - the kiddos are here
and it's hard
I mean insanely hard
the 1 year old is insanely jealous of the baby
the 4 year old has clearly been the caretaker and is trying to make everything alright.
and they are wonderfully sweet kiddos
but
I do not have
enough house
enough time
enough patience
enough endurance
to do this
my agency worker (who I dislike -- I wrote loathe - but that's unfair) came by and got to see first had how much a handful they are.
and I did ok
but -- there's always one crying
always
and soon it's going to be me
I got the director on the phone while the agency worker was here -- and made it as clear as I can
that this has to be a temporary solution
that
I can't do all of this
it's too much
something's got to give
because -- see - I know the secret.
if the kid's got a bed?
they're not worrying about it
which means - they're doing other things
NOT finding a regular placement for them.
I read my comments yesterday -- and I know you guys are thinking about how horrible it is to split up sibs
but the fact is
that the choices are -- split the sibs
or take the little guy away from me and put him someplace else
because I'm in excess of what I can do
at all
much less do well.
so -- I'm glad they have a warm bed
and someone to hug and care for them
but this is a temporary solution
in the meantime
when I was visiting Aisha -- I got on amazon and ordered a new steel toy - and some pinchier clamps
if you'll remember -- I owe my man 2 orgasms that I failed to achieve and was supposed to do them tonight when I got my toys
yeaaaaaaaah
that's not going to happen
I wonder if he has rollover-cums
much love -- baby's about to start crying again -- wish me luck!
sfp
Yes i admit i was the first to think how horrible it would be to split them up, but then its easy for me to say that...im not in your shoes...but i also will admit i know i would find it difficult.
ReplyDeleteI do wish you luck and ultimatley you have to make the right decision for you.
x
No judgements - do what you can, what you want to, what you signed up to do.
ReplyDeleteHaving a newborn is horrible. There I said it right out there in print. They don't know what they want. They cry all the time. They don't sleep. You don't sleep. It's awful for the first 6-12 weeks, and then somehow it's better.
I don't really think it's better or worse if you have other kids around during that time. But it seems like it would be better if all you had was one to take care of.
I completely agree that if they think you are looking after the other kids they won't work at finding another place for them.
And you know, sometimes being a good mom is about lowering the bar, about doing the absolute minimum to get by.
Take care of yourself first.
-sin
Sin said it perfectly.
ReplyDeletesending love,
aisha
From a moral outside standpoint, I think it's really sad to see siblings separated.
ReplyDeleteFrom a mother standpoint? My niece was with us for a while when my youngest was a newborn (she's exactly one year older), and it's absolute hell to have a newborn and a one year old.
I think that motherhood is occasionally wanting to hit your head on the wall. It's not supposed to be about wanting to throw yourself off a bridge (which is how I felt about having a 1 yr old and a newborn).
Knowing your limits is one of the things that makes you a good mom.
Good luck! Hope you manage to get some semblance of sleep with an orgasm bonus soon.
What everyone else said.
ReplyDeleteI am the mother of one son, so never had a newborn and any other child. Later I had a number of toddlers at once (cousins) but never with a baby. You know what you can cope with. xxx