and then I started to think that "jealous" isn't the right word
I am feeling envious
Envy for the baby that someone I know just had
-- lol
someone who has just had her 9th birth child (11 kids total for the couple) -- so much a part of the day to day that I don't think I even knew she was pregnant from her FB persona
and Envious that the other adoptive couple (you'll remember her -- she's the one that said that her home study was "easy") got a placement of an infant last night.
When I looked up Envy vs jealousy -- it was summed up as
Envy being wanting something someone else has
and Jealousy being afraid that someone will take something away from you.
I don't want what they have
I have long believed that wanting what someone else has means taking on all that they have
I don't want crazy-quiver-ful-religious-freak's life with her house swarming with kids and her holier-than-thou attitude
nor do I want to be a foster-mom (they are foster to adopt) and attach to a child that most likely will be returned home again.
and what they have
takes nothing away from me
it risks nothing that I have
so jealousy isn't the right feeling either
so
if the feeling of envy
was fleeting
gone in a moment
so then ---what AM I feeling?
impatience
yeah
impatience.
Totally don't blame ya for feeling that way! Your road is a long one, but you'll get there! You will!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
mouse
I think of envy as being less destructive than jealousy. Perhaps I usually think of envy as being about something where there is enough go go around. As in, "I really like her pink sweater, I wish I had one too". Where jealousy does imply that perhaps there's only one of something and perhaps someone else having it means you won't get it, whether the thing is a man or a baby or a sweater.
ReplyDeleteEnvy is about wanting something, jealousy about wanting someone else not to have it?
I don't know. I do know about baby envy or jealousy or whatever the hell it is. I know about trying to have a baby and people all around you seem to pop them out with effortless ease. It's very hard not to want what they have, whether it's a baby or that baby you want, whether it's about wishing you could have a baby or wondering why other people keep having them.
I get it. I could tell you 100 stories...
And your time is coming. Right?
yes Sin -- my time is coming
ReplyDeletethis process is wait wait wait and then go go go!
sfp
My advice to moms who are expecting... read lots of books and see lots of movies now because it's a long time til you get to read again.
ReplyDelete-sin