Another week -- hopefully

I am still waiting

waiting for my placement
and
waiting for the possibility of a visit to M

maybe

we have plans to meet a week from Saturday
but those may change
to the following weekend
due to the dreaded Mother's Day

which will make it 3 months between visits -- too long

too long

If I get my placement
I know I will be too busy
and too happy
to focus for long that we're not going to have our visit

but if he cannot make the visit again
it will be a bitter disappointment

not so much because we can't do it
but because the possible weekends
will be harder and harder to come by

I am feeling too far away from him lately
I need to be drawn in close
taken in hand

I need for the rest of the world to shut out
for just a few hours

our batteries run low

I am able
most of the time
to hang on to the idea that we're in it for the long haul
that someday
somehow

we'll work it all out

but there are times when I cannot see it
that vision is gone completely
that I see that there's a change ahead of us
that we will not survive

there are times when I can almost feel the spark
extinguish

but then he calls
or texts
or makes me laugh
and I remember
that he is continually
faithful to the idea of us
and I come back to us

and my faith is renewed.