negitivity

You know those people who imagine a positive outcome as part of their preparation for things

they see themselves winning the prize
or
getting a good review

or

whatever

I don't do that.

yeah

I'm bad at that

I want to be prepared for the worst
for disaster

I want to know where my shiny blanket, emergency water, flashlight and candy bar are located
I want to sit in the tornado shelter
I want to picture making a knot ladder out of my sheets

yeah

I'm that girl

I picture the worst
and plan for it

optimists are morons

they always picture that everything will be sunshine and roses
and are inevitably disappointed -- because the real world is so much less rosy and sunshiny than their imagination

and pessimists don't call ourselves pessimists

we all ourselves REALISTS

so -- I'm imagining my meeting with M on Saturday
and

in all reality -- there are a lot of complications -- some of which I'm not sharing here because I don't need a chorus from ya'll of what I'm already hearing in my head about how much more in the beginning of his divorce he is rather than in the middle or the end.

so

I'm picturing the worst

and

I hate it

I don't want it to be bad
and worse

I don't want it to be bad for me and good for him

because I think that's an awful thing -- to tell someone "it's not me -- it's YOU"

I am wishing right now that I were an optimist
that I was good at filling my head with positive thoughts

because I could use some sunshine and roses right now