Conversations in an Airport

I went early

I wanted to see if I could get an earlier flight

Standby

apparently not

The gate agent handed me my boarding pass before she even told me that she wouldn't/couldn't do it

"you don't have the right kind of ticket"

"what kind would I need?"

"the other kind"

ok -- maybe that's not exactly what was said but close enough.

So I wandered into the airport -- 5 hours earlier than I needed to be there -- but what was I going to do?  Go back and get my car out of long term parking so I could go shopping and then come back and do it again?

So -- into the airport

and off to find a Chili's

M called me while I was in Chili's -- too loud - -we switched back to text

talking about wants/needs/desires

"I want to be in your head...rummaging around, making room for me to get comfy"

"As long as you don't wreck the place"

"you must trust me to do as I see fit with it"

"Shall I infer from that statement that wrecking the joint is one of the options?"

"No - you should infer that I expect (in time) that such caveats do not even need to be said and that you trust me with everything"

and then later on

I found an internet hot spot -- with comfy chairs and settled in and had a long conversation through text with him.

He asked me if I thought that it was possible that he would be too intense for me and I would walk away

and I told him that of course -- it was a possibility

and I realized that we have the same anxiety -- from different sides

I worry that I won't be enough for him - -that my baby-sub ways will bore him and he'll go find another plaything

and he worries that he'll freak me out and walk away

so

we talked about limits

and in the past he hasn't wanted to talk about them -- that I would "trust him enough in time that we won't need such things" -- blah blah blah

clearly we need to talk about them

so I started to list them
I went on and on

I included some things that I know he would never do
and some things he might wish to do

and he stopped me

and said

"I wouldn't do those things
do you think I would do those things?
they would hurt you.....damage you....change you from the girl I met"

and I think we've both realized - that while the fear is not irrational -- it's not all that likely.

we're closer than we thought we were

and that's brought us closer still.

********************

So - here I am -- blogging from Aisha-ville and it's perfectly lovely.  It's all lavender and lined with books and cozy -- just the way I imagined and I imagine you've imagined her to be.  Her real voice is perfectly like her writing voice -- and as I type a sweet kitty is rubbing up against my feet.

we're going to have an amazing time.