Home Again

So I'm home again

and have checked the work emails remotely and see that there's a huge pile of them awaiting me
but only a few steaming cow patties to avoid stepping in -- at least from the emails I've read

I awoke exhausted and found a giant spider in my tub -- and (lol) -- decided that spider removal was not on the AM agenda and took a shower in the guest bath

screw it

and -- somehow -- on vacation I forgot to remember that I'm going to meet M in person

in

3 1/2 more days

gulp.

I'm not nervous about a hot meeting
or a very cold one

I'm nervous about a medium meeting.

or one where one of us is 100% in and the other is 60%

those are awkward.

and we'll be meeting somewhere in the middle.

I clued the vanilla BFF in -- she said -- "you're going to meet in XXXX?  what the hell for?"

"to meet-- it's in the middle"

"what are you going to do?  walk up and down THE street?"

"you know it's not that small -- there are THREE starbucks there"

"I guess you could go to a movie"

"yes - maybe we'll go to a movie"

what am I supposed to say?

If it goes well -- we'll talk and talk and talk and then we'll go someplace private
If it goes badly -- we'll talk -- and I'll go home

I don't want it to go badly
I want it to go amazing

But I guess that's true of all things -- we always want it all to be amazing

sometimes it is

sometimes it isn't

I'm trying hard not to set myself up for one other the other

good thing I've got those cow patties to keep me busy.