Out of Place

You may have noticed the silence over here

things have been bad

throw in the towel bad

worse than I want to talk about

and

today

Sir P

asked me if I was free for a call

and

I told him no

I had a meeting

and

then I went radio silent

and he gently called me out on it

on shutting him out.

I was
I was hurting
I still am a bit

and like I do

I closed ranks
and shut down

I crawled into my hole
and pulled the hole in after me

and his note
reached into that dark hole
and pulled me back out

and as we chatted
I was reminded
that in some ways

I'm still needing
that beating

that I'm out of my place
sometimes so far out of my place
that I can't see it

that I can't find that groove that I fit into so well.

funny

how sometimes I start to think about who I am
and what I need
as luxuries

but they're not

it's a requirement
a need
it sustains

so this girl
is craving
the hand
the belt

and yes Sir P
perhaps even the brush

whatever it takes

to shift me back into place

but for now
it was enough
to be reminded

that I need his help
and it's ok to take it.