Friday, April 5, 2013

Beat down

I'm a bit beaten down lately

exhausted
feeling a bit sick

lost

not feeling like I do anything well

everything is a struggle
a battle

and lonely

not because I'm alone
but

because

I need more than those around me have to give

and

am still needing

a beat down

how strange is that

every once in awhile I look from the outside into our world

and think how strange that is

that I need a beat down
that

I need someone to break down all the walls

and bring me to the basic core of who I am

there's no chance of it any time soon
but

until then

I will fantasize about it
and imagine it

and know

that that's a bit part of what's wrong with me
that I'm out of kilter
and need my beat down
at

7 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 6, 2013 at 6:50 AM

    Hope you feel good about your self soon!! And you find what you are looking for. You have taken on a hard jod with the two girls but what you write sounds like you are getting to grips with great. Here is a virtual shouler and spanking for you.
    Hugs Ashly xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. SirQsmlbApril 6, 2013 at 9:28 AM

    Any chance your parents can take the girls for a night and you can fly away for a "convention" (about spanking) to where Sir lives?? Sometimes you just need a RESET!!

    Or maybe find a spanking club like SCONY (that Joey talks about)??

    Hugs,
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
  3. sinApril 6, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    take some time just for you. Really... whether it's a beating or a manicure or an hour or two with a book or... you need time for you.

    -sin (big hug - not that you need it! I just had an extra)

    ReplyDelete
  4. mouseApril 6, 2013 at 6:04 PM

    Sending hugs...

    Maybe Sin's right...maybe striving for peace...really needs to do that..get a bit of peace...

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousApril 6, 2013 at 7:54 PM

    Yes- Oh Yes - I understand this very well.

    There is no magic pill of what works (god knows I would take it).

    But I do know for me- my running and my Marathon quest, is the beat down I am not getting from Master.

    Not that I am saying go out and run 15 miles tomorrow, but the exercise for me does have added benefits all day.

    Hoping you find that bit of relief you need.

    ~faithful

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 7, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    Wishing i could magically make it better... i know that feeling too - i guess most of us do - and it's so hard.

    hugs,

    sofia

    ReplyDelete
  7. nillaApril 8, 2013 at 7:04 AM

    nodding.

    oh, i so get this. Been not the best of weeks here, and ended with quite the weekend, including my going to bed and crying myself to sleep...not exactly what I envisioned when I pictured my mid-50's yanno? *huge sigh*

    But I got a mini-beat down and it helped. So much more than it seemed it could. TTWD is awesomely strange. But we all understand exactly what you mean.

    Sending hugs and whammies...and understanding.

    nilla

    ReplyDelete

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