Down

I'm more than a bit down lately

things are not going as i want them to
and I'm just struggling with it.

I thought I was getting a placement
and

I think the placement is still happening -- but I don't know when
there's no information
other than
"no nothing yet"

and

while I tried being patient
my patience is waning

I don't normally get stuck feeling this way
normally I'm down for an hour
or a night

but not for several days

so I've been keeping busy
very busy
with stuff

I'm baking bread
lots of bread

and doing furniture refurbishing projects
and

crafting
and

gardening

I'm watching hours and hours of netflix

oh -- and making ice cream

and all of it distracts me
for a bit

but doesn't knock me out of my funk

tonight
I have a friend coming over
with her husband and 2 year old

the house smells of pot roast roasting
and fresh bread

and I am still in my holding pattern
waiting
waiting waiting