Lies of omission

I haven't found a way
or a time to tell M that I'm seeing a therapist.

I'm sure it's because I have mixed feelings about it myself

that I'm not strong enough to do it myself

but it's time for me to do it
to just blurt it out

he's not going to tell me it's silly
or that it's not needed

well -- he might tell me that

because he thinks I'm much moe "together" than I really am

sometimes I think that we see each other
through a tube

remember that?
when we were kids

looking through an empty paper towel tube
like a pirate
looking through a spyglass

somehow you can see a long way
by cutting out the peripheral distractions

this is how we see each other

it feels like we get a full view
but it's an illusion

how would he know about my turmoil
unless I let him know

and let's face it
I don't want to let him know

I value being in control
being calm
being someone who brings peace to my friends

to tell him this
let's him see a bit more of me

sigh
it makes me more vulnerable
because he might not like it
might find out that I'm not what he really wants

so
yeah

I guess that's why I haven't told him
but

I cannot keep this secret
because it's dishonest to who we are
which isn't what either of us want

(end ramble)