I don't plan to talk about all of this stuff here
but today
we talked about the past
and how we get to where we are
we talked about my horrible social awkwardness
and when that started
and I just stared at him
it didn't start
it was always there
always
My mom has stories of watching 4 yr old me trying to figure out how to integrate into the pack of kids in our neighborhood
we talked about those teen years
being the odd girl out
being a nerd
not even a nerd
being a junior nerd hanging out with my brother's friends
at the fringe of a fringe group
you know
it's funny
It took me 40 years to figure out how to hang with the cool kids
about the amount of time it took me to figure out that I don't give a crap about the cook kids
but looking back at those times
and being on the outside
is a painful memory
and opening up the boxes of painful memories seems to be what we're doing
what we're going to be doing
and there's a part of me that wants to scream
THIS IS JUST STUPID -- I PACKED ALL THAT SHIT AWAY NEATLY -- AND YOU WANT TO UNPACK IT? ???
only apparently my soul's storage until is all full up
and it's time to let some of this crap go
so -- this is what I'm doing
going through all the shit
I don't need
up in my storage
and hopefully
getting rid of it
to make room
for stuff
that is wonderful to keep.
Cleaning out the mental storage! Every once in a while a good emotional spring cleaning is needed.
ReplyDeletehttp://mysubmissivelife.blogspot.com/
Damn, I thought we WERE the cool kids, and you one of the coolest of us. I'm sure I read it somewhere. Must be true. Soul decluttering. Good for you.
ReplyDelete-sin
Yes Yes Yes
ReplyDeleteLetting it go- so liberating... just like D/s.
And its your blog so fill it however you wish!
~faithful
@Kindred -- yes -- out with the old -- in with the new!
ReplyDelete@Sin -- lol -- well -- perhaps that's the challenge -- that I don't know the cool kids when I see them (or I am them)
@faithful -- thanks -- yes -- it is my blog -- but what I really meant is that I'll share some here -- and some isn't for all ya'll
thank you all for reading and supporting
sfp
De cluttering one's soul can b very exhausting. I've let go of some crap but there's a whole lot more. Its easier wen u have help doing it.
ReplyDeleteN this is ur blog- fill it however the heck u want!!
Wishing u only the best!!
Nice description of therapy - de-cluttering the soul. i like it.
ReplyDeleteAnd i'm with Sin ~ just a little hurt ~ thought we were the cool kids, and now you say you "give a crap" about us? Sheesh. Good thing i'm not taking that personal.
lol...
aisha
Oh, that was supposed to be "don't give a crap." Um. i'm a little scattered today..
Delete"only apparently my soul's storage until is all full up
ReplyDeleteand it's time to let some of this crap go"
An exquisite line.
good for you.
ReplyDeletelearning to let go of the hard things is a big...no..GIANT step forward.
hugs,
nilla