Safewords

I do like safewords

I think it's a great short-hand for what's going on

and I have used them in the past -- sparingly -- but I have

and I'm not embarrassed about it.

but M and I do not have one.

I asked about it

He doesn't like the trappings of the "lifestyle"

in fact -- somewhere where-he-lives - -he just cringed when I typed the word -- and doesn't know why

He is also not a fan of limits

as he believes that trust and dedication takes care of that

We don't use the terms Dom and Sub

He's my boyfriend
and we like to do
very dark pervy things together
He's the boss
I'm the first lieutenant and chief advisor

It's his job to make sure we stay on the right path and don't choose to do things that damage the relationship on our path of perversion
It's my job to take care of my man and promote harmony

this works for us

does that mean that I can't say "no"?
I can't say "I'm scared"
I can't say "stop"?

I say all of those things

but more importantly
he listens
to my words
to what my eyes are saying
to my breathing

and much more often -- he makes the call -- long before I would myself.

I do like safewords

but I worry -- because so many of us when we have them don't want to use them
consider them a failure
consider them to be topping from the bottom

that an over reliance of the Dom to keep going unless he hears the magic word
does more harm than good

so -- our system is working for us
and if your system works for you?

that's all that matters.