Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Porn insecurity

What are you doing

Watching Porn

really?

Yup -- on Netflix (no -- I was watching Firefly)

they have porn on netflix??

Yup -- it's a dollar more but it's worth it

lol


maybe we'll watch porn on Saturday

***************

I don't want to watch porn
I am not anti-porn

I'm sort of non-porn

it doesn't do anything for me
and if it's the "rough stuff"

I feel sorry for the girl.

I just do
even when it's stuff I like
well

not LIKE

CRAVE

I don't like the idea of seeing it from the outside
there's something creepy about it for me

it's the act
with none of the intimacy
none of the control
loveless

not that there's anything wrong with liking porn
I even understand why men like it

being more visual than we are
when it comes to sex

we chatted a bit about porn preferences
his obviously

and his tends to be more of the "raw face fucking" type

I got quiet on my end of the texting
which I don't think he noticed
it was late
and I think he though I had fallen asleep

porn makes me insecure

I feel like I'm not as good as the fantasy
that I don't hold up to them

and - I don't

sorry

I'm not a professional
I'm not all that good at it

and -- so -- even though I know he doesn't
actually want to watch porn on Saturday
I know he wants me to admit I don't want to
and why

because he knows this is one of my insecurities
not being good enough

as if

laughing

as if he gets to choose between
Farah the amazing Face Fucking girl
and me

as if she's down the hall

nope

He gets to choose between video girl
and actual girl

(pretty sure I'm gonna win)

so now I just need to get insecure-actual-girl to shut the fuck up.
at

15 comments:

  1. JzFebruary 1, 2012 at 8:02 AM

    When you figure out what button to push to do that, please inform...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:11 PM

      no doubt -- I might have to have an aftermarket button installed JZ

      Delete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 1, 2012 at 9:47 AM

    I don't particularly like watching porn - but I love what it does to DH, so I watch with him. And sometimes, when I get all self-conscious and insecure because the porn chicks are so perfect, I just remember they're just having sex. DH and I are making love - even if it is kinky.
    And PS: Watching Firefly for me is porn. Oh, Captain Reynolds!!!
    PSS: won't publish my comment as wordpress :( I'm at ddanddswife.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:12 PM

      ooooh MAL -- me too.

      sorry your struggling with the wordpress stuff -- and you're right -- kinkyreallove beats perfectvideosex any day

      sfp

      Delete
  3. mouseFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    Still reeling over the fact Netflix has porn...

    Of course you'd win -- you're the real deal.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:12 PM

      lol Mouse -- not really -- I was joshing.

      Delete
    2. mouseFebruary 2, 2012 at 10:57 AM

      Actually they have a lot of soft porn..and outright porn in foreign films...However mouse will NEVER get to watch any of them...

      sigh....

      Delete
  4. AnonymousFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    I applaud you for being so honest about this issue.

    Many women feel this way, but somehow kinky women are not supposed to. I find that odd. Since, kinky women still have feelings, insecurities etc.

    I myself am still unsure about porn. I actually enjoy it myself but I am not sure what it would do to a relationship over tie as we get older and we really cant compare to the people being shown. How do you keep from being dissatisfied with what you have at home? I don't have the answers yet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:14 PM

      Yes! -- right! - we're supposed to be imprevious to it.

      but when I see them just being the perfect submissive woman -- it makes me feel rotten.

      until I remember that it's an act

      and -- tomorrow they get to pretend to be a top

      but sure -- we get insecure too.

      I had to write about this -- I feel better for saying it --

      sfp

      Delete
  5. poured outFebruary 1, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    I think I don't like porn because I'm uber-visual in a critical sense. To me it looks like mostly the same scene from several different angles. Not much substance and like you said...loveless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:15 PM

      oh -- I could see that.

      but I also get the attraction a D might have to just animal sex -- again

      it's a fantasy

      I'm the real girl

      Delete
  6. aishaFebruary 1, 2012 at 8:19 PM

    Laughing... or maybe you need to help "insecure-actual-girl" realize that she's good enough and then some!

    i kinda like porn, but i'm picky. i like some spanking scenes, but i f it's straight fucking, it's boring. i feel inferior in terms of body, and that's kind of sad, but i can't imagine anyone wanting the typical bimbo type the woman's portrayed as. Not that i've watched a lot of porn lately, but i did some when i was in college, 100 years ago.

    Yeah.

    So i can watch it, but am not thrilled.

    aisha

    PS @DDandswife ~ it won't let me sign in with wordpress either. Lately, some sites will and some won't. Try using Name/url - that's what iv'e been doing when i have problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. strivingforpeaceFebruary 1, 2012 at 10:17 PM

      For me it's just that the porn he likes

      is the stuff I'm bad at.

      IMO

      but you know what?

      I'm good enough
      I'm slutty enough
      and darn it -- M likes me.

      sfp

      Delete
  7. aishaFebruary 2, 2012 at 3:39 AM

    @SFP,

    Lol - yes!!!

    aisha

    ReplyDelete
  8. StormFebruary 2, 2012 at 3:39 PM

    That is pretty much exactly how I feel about porn!

    ReplyDelete

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