I've had a hard few days with the baby
which means
very little time with M
and sometimes
I start to crack up
and feel like I can't handle it
when he screams and screams and I can't comfort him
and the little time with M makes me feel like that's falling apart
which makes me feel bad
and then
M will reach out and check on me
that God for texting
and pretty soon susses out that I'm fried.
at just the right moment
he tells me I can do it
but then he says something else
"I expect no less from you"
and it makes me feel shored up
resolved
He has full faith in me
and expects me to live up to my potential
and because he expects it
I reach down
and find more energy
and I carry on.
My sister used to look at the baby and say in a very serious voice, probably when she was on the verge of screaming her head off, "Why are you being such a baby?" or "Will you quit being such a baby!?" Which made me realize that he was just doing what came normally. Sucked for me, but... it's what babies do.
ReplyDeleteKeep at it, it does get easier.
-sin
It really, truly does get better. It isn't concrete help - but i remember needing to believe and to be reminded to get through some times. I'm so glad you have him to encourage you - that makes all the difference.
ReplyDeleteHaving someone believe that you can survive those first months does make all the difference in the world! It's not sleep and quiet, but it does help.
ReplyDeleteAnd then before you know it, they're nine and want to know why they can't drive yet...
I'm glad he's there for you, and that it helps.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think even the memory of just how tough those days are blurs with time. Thank goodness, or we would all be only children.
hugs,
aisha
thank you guys
ReplyDeleteof course -- now I'm feeling insecure again -- because we are not getting to talk to each other much this week
and I miss him
sigh
sfp