Saturday, July 28, 2012

O Ye of little faith

I've been really unfair to M
imagining that he doesn't really want me anymore

that
he is the kind of man who would throw me away
just because I'm busy

busy with important business
that
frankly
he was most likely more aware of the extent of
than I was
when we met

because it was hard for me to imagine how much this was going to transform my life

Because when we went from
talking 3 times a day
to talking sometimes only a few days a week for any amount of time

I thought

"well
we're done"

how unfair of me
to think he was such a small man
to think that he was so shallow
that he couldn't allow me to live my dream
and still have love for me

because it inconveniences him

we spent over an hour and 1/2 on the phone today

he really made time for me
and made me feel like we are still "us"

and when I think about it
all the doubts
were just me
thinking that he was going to be like Mr. C

and a pile of other men who didn't want me because I want to have this little one

so shame on me
He loves me
I love him
we are just as together as we ever were.

my faith is renewed.
and I want to come back here and read this
when I get down next time
and have a drink of faith.
at

5 comments:

  1. nillaJuly 28, 2012 at 9:19 PM

    This made me weep.
    Happy tears for you...very much so.

    I'm so glad you don't have a throw-away-Man...but one who is there for the long haul...who cares, and listens, and gives you space and can reel you back in when you need it.

    many hugs, much love,

    nilla

    ReplyDelete
  2. sinJuly 29, 2012 at 4:46 AM

    nice - I'm glad it's going well.
    -sin

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  3. AnonymousJuly 29, 2012 at 5:59 AM

    Totally doing the happy dance for you!!! i'm sooooo glad.

    It is easy to believe they've lost interest though, isn't it? For sure, you're not the only one that takes herself down that path...

    hugs,

    aisha

    ReplyDelete
  4. JzJuly 29, 2012 at 6:59 AM

    My own head is my worst enemy.
    While I hate to think of my friends going through any of the tortures I can manage for myself, it's still kind of heartening to know I'm not alone...

    I'm very happy the ground beneath your feet is solid again. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. strivingforpeaceJuly 29, 2012 at 8:42 AM

    you know -- I think sometimes we need to stop being so insecure and think about what our doubts say about our partners

    that we don't believe they are men of honor

    it's interesting from that viewpoint

    thank you all
    I'm content

    sfp

    ReplyDelete

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