Judged

tomorrow (so today when most of you read this)

I get my first visit with my new CPS worker
and my first visit with my new agency worker

I guess I'll become numb to this
but it's hard being judged

over and over

I hate it
I imagine we all do
who likes to be judged?

I think we're all afraid that we'll be found lacking

it's an epidemic of insecurity
of feeling not worthy
that no matter what you give
or what you are
that it's not enough

that you are less
that you don't get to have good things

that they won't last
because somehow
you're not enough

and -- as I think about this
I think how often we all feel this way
in so many parts of our lives

in our work
in our relationships

with our bosses
and our parents
and our kids

with our partners

how harsh we are with ourselves
how cruelly we judge ourselves

in ways we would never judge another

so tomorrow
I'm going to try to be gentle with myself
I'm going to try to be fair to myself
and allow that
I can be less than perfect

and still be wonderful

here endeth the pep-talk