Monday, October 24, 2011

Faint Praise

It irritates me when people tell me they admire me for adopting

That they think that what I’m doing is wonderful
giving a home to a child that needs it
as if it’s a selfless act
a sacrifice

I don’t like it
It feels
um
It feels wrong to accept praise for such a thing

I usually say nothing – because it’s not worth going into
a huge diatribe
it’s silly to make them feel bad when they were just trying to be nice

But when someone tells me that they think I’m wonderful for doing it

What they’re saying is

"I wouldn’t do it"

that they think your choice is extraordinary
that you’re doing something for the world

which is a load of crap in my case

I am not doing something for the world
I am doing something for me
For my family

To create the next generation of my family
To build a life long relationship

To make my house a home
To make myself complete

If I were some sort of saint – I would fill my house with children
Every child
Every child that no one wants

Which is not what I will be doing

Instead

I will be reviewing profiles carefully
Choosing a child that I think that I would be a good mom for
That would be a good fit for my family
That’s within my capabilities

Doesn’t sound like Mother Teresa to me
Mother Teresa would take the first kid offered
and the one after that
and the one after that

Until there was not one bit of room left

I am not a self sacrificing saint

I am selfish
I am envious

I want what you have

And I’m going to get it.
at

8 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 24, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    Yep, I get it.

    I don't think you're "wonderful" for adopting.

    I think you're wonderful, but not for that...

    {grinning...}

    aisha

    P.S. And you know what, actually now that i think about it, the two people at the clinic who bring their adopted babies in down there in chest harnesses so they can push them at the patients ~ i think they think they're pretty wonderful for saving those "poor babies." I think they're pathetic excuses for... never mind. No need to rant. But you know what i'm saying!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 24, 2011 at 5:34 PM

    I wish you every success in your search for a child to adopt. I don't know you - or your circumstances, but I want to say that I think it is wonderful that you want to open your heart and your home to a child.

    You're not selfish for wanting to go through profiles to find a child that fits your family. Isn't that what potential women who want to adopt their babies do? Search for the "perfect" family to take their unborn/newborn child?

    I'm sending you good thoughts and I hope it's not long until you are welcoming and loving a new addition to your family.

    Take care, Sky

    ReplyDelete
  3. sinOctober 24, 2011 at 6:44 PM

    So you want to have a baby for the same reason as everyone else? Just cause you want one. Imagine that.

    I'm glad you are posting again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. strivingforpeaceOctober 24, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    Thanks you guys

    and yup -- same reason everyone else does

    Glad I'm posting again too!

    sfp

    ReplyDelete
  5. mouseOctober 24, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    Well, mouse totally would adopt and still thinks its cool your doing it. And ya mouse's reasons were very similar...

    Big hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
  6. perfect71psOctober 25, 2011 at 3:21 AM

    Good one. praise is always fishy (imho). I like the reasons you give. Mine (for procreating) were a similar mix of Faith and hope and self-realisation.

    Anyway, I'm not sure if saints make good parents.

    ReplyDelete
  7. JOctober 26, 2011 at 1:54 AM

    I like this, sfp. I'm adopted, and it always rankled with me when people called my parents brave/amazing/wonderful for accepting me into their family. Like it must have been a very hard thing for them to love me. As you say, they were only trying to be nice, but it's good you have this attitude I think. I think you'll be a great mom.

    J.

    ReplyDelete
  8. nillaOctober 26, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    Preachin' to the choir here...

    of COURSE you are wonderful...just being you is wonderful.

    and i could make you cry with the things said to us over the years.

    its sad and pitiful sometimes.

    people often just don't know better.

    my standard reply to that, if i think it is truly well meant is "actually, *we're* the lucky ones...we're blessed with 4 wonderful kids"

    and leave it at that.

    as to the rest, a raised eyebrow and a "what would ever make you say that?"

    and pointed stare tends to make the point far better than a rant does.

    but i get this.

    Harden that shell...because sadly? it never ends.

    HUG

    nilla

    ReplyDelete

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