My imagination

I have a technicolor worry imagination.

when someone's late
or doesn't call
when I expect them to

I can picture what might have befallen them
sometimes vividly.

I worry
I worry that something might happen to M
and I wouldn't know
that he would just disappear from my life

and I would have to call around

"Hi -- this is sfp -- you don't know me -- I'm a friend of M's -- um -- have you seen him lately?"

that he could be in the hospital
or dead

and no one would call me

because we're not out

I hate that feeling
I hate feeling so out of control
so

marginal

I did this when I was married too

the Ex was very ill
for a very long time
and if he was late
I would worry he was dead
that he had a heart attack on the way home
and went off the road

I hate that I'm that girl
that over dramatic girl
who imagines tragedy
with no evidence

that is so self centered
that the only reason that a man
isn't available
or on time
right when I want him to
is because something dreadful has happened.

fucking drama queen.