My Gynecologist seems to have some sort of fucked up sense of humor
Yeah - - it's going to be one of those blogs -- consider yourself warned -- you can go scamper off and find out what naughtiness Aisha's up to -- things are steamy over there lately
So -- I got the poke and prod last week -- and the smear the week before -- you'll remember that they've already startled me after my STD test by calling me (instead of getting an automated message) for my results -- just to tell me to take vitamin D.
jokers
but then they called me today about my mammogram
what?
read my lips -- POSTCARD -- no phone calls -- P O S T C A R D.
Phone calls are bad
I call them back and they tell me that I'm lumpless (woo hoo!)
on with my day
So -- later on in the day -- all the men I work with are in a meeting in my office -- it's like an overheated testosterone clown car in there -- not quite sure why we're all in my office.
And the phone rings
It's THEM again
I decide to pick it up
they want to talk to me about my uterus
my LUMPY uterus
fuck
apparently they've counted up the lumps this year -- subtracted last year's lumps and came out with a positive number
They've spawned
and no -- it's not cancerous
but they want to bring me in to "discuss my options"
so -- can I just say --
I am sick as shit of my lumpy ass uterus
you suck
You traitorous fuck -- NOW you grow shit? NOW? I mean -- thanks for not having cancer -- I mean -- I guess I shouldn't be ungrateful -- but I'm not excited about the words GROIN and INCISION
so I was pissed when I got this call today -- my response (as the men were all there was) "Thank you -- I'll take it under advisement"
So -- of course I'll call them tomorrow and make the appointment and be a "big girl"
but today -- I feel pouty -- so I thought I would blog it out instead
Don't wanna! NO!
sfp
PS -- I'm not speaking to the lumpy uterus -- if you see it -- please tell it to fuck off.
I am not afraid of girl posts or gynecologists and I hope that all is well and that you find out soon. And I snickered appreciatively at the clown car full of testosterone. Funny girl.
ReplyDeleteOmigod and goddess... I really hate that stuff too. I once had a symptom - one symptom - that could possibly have been indicative of ovarian cancer - possibly. Five different tests later, they still weren't sure. The only way to be sure was a little surgery to check.
ReplyDeleteYou know, what the fuck do ya do? Having gone that far, it's like - fine, just frigging do it. No, thanks, don't take anything out "while you're in there" if you don't actually need to.
And it was fine. No cancer.
I'm a little ambivalent about the whole experience - can ya tell? Good luck. Remember, it's your body.
hugs,
aisha
@Sin -- thanks -- I loved testosterone clown car myself.
ReplyDelete@Aisha -- Yeah - nothing to do about it. I've done this before with one of my ovaries which decided to wear a giagantic hat -- I'll do what's required -- it's just a pain.
sfp
Yeah, what's up with the phone calls? Don't they know you never call unless it's bad news?! Yeesh!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain on the lumpy uterus thing... or I used to. I had fibroids and 'calcification', which just sounded really wrong to have in an internal organ! After a year and a half of various male doctors patting me on the head and telling me I was over-reacting to the pain (and that all women make it out to be worse than it really is... yes, I actually had one guy say that!), I finally had mine taken out. What a relief! (Ovaries still in there though!) No more smears either, cuz they took the cervix!
Good luck with this, I hope you're not in much pain. (And I definitely snickered at the clown car thing!)