I feel terrible (girly vanilla TMI post)

My Momma would say that I look like I've been "rode hard and put up wet'

This expression is used in two different ways in my family -- one way -- implies that a woman has had a hard hard life (in my Mom's world that means used up by too many men -- too much liquor -- too much smoking -- and too many babies).

or in my case

looks really really run down. Exhausted after a particularly hard week.

I ache all over -- and it's just that I took this stupid hiatus from the BC pills this month and am brought back to one of the reasons why I take them -- control of my cycle.

I had a procedure to remove a nasty cystic growth on one of my ovaries a few years ago and was diagnosed with the fibroids at that time -- and in my head I've associated the ovary-hat-removal with "fixing me"

when really -- it's the fibroids that were causing the pain.

And now that there are more fibroids -- when I'm having a "normal" cycle

the pain is much more intense. I'm up in the middle of the night several times because I'm soaked through.

and this period just -- -won't -- end.
but

this pain is a gift.

yup -- it's a gift.

Because I go in on Monday to discuss my options for treatment --- and I'm an extremely hard sell on having any sort of procedure done.

I think this comes from living with my Ex who had all sorts of medical problems. They were always wanting to try surgical procedures or prescriptions that might or might not help -- it made me a careful-medical-shopper.

but being right in the middle of seeing what's going on with lumpy -- it'll give me that push I need to make a decision.

Because this is hell.

So I'm off to take a hot shower -- and start my day.

but before then -- I have to thank lumpy for helping me see what's going on in there and apologize a bit.

"Sorry old girl -- we'll get you fixed up -- I promise."