Giant Beavers

our good friend gave me some things to think about in regards to my crazy ass dream

oh -- you came here to read my blog in hope of a giant beaver shot?

um

well -- there were giant blond beavers in my dream --but not the kind that YOU'RE looking for -- perv -- move along.

so

where was I

oh -- the dream

so -- our friend has pointed out in the past that water tends to represent female energy -- well there's lot and lots of water in this dream

and this time she encouraged me to think about some of the other aspects

the MIL -- an aspect of myself that I don't like

and that there are 2 sorts of animals -- one that needs protecting -- and other animals that are self sustaining and powerful.

I don't think my subconscious is struggling with obscure things -- I think that my sexuality is very much at the forefront of my mind of late

wonder why

so -- here's my interpretation -- and fuck it -- it's my dream -- so it can mean what I want

I think it's about my recent journey --

I've been going through my house-- looking for my treasures -- revisiting the past essentially -- and really -- isn't that what I've been doing for months? Sifting through the ashes of my old relationship looking for things to carry with me into the future?

note -- I didn't find anything in the dream

I think my MIL -- is my repressed self. -- She's packed up and ready to move on -- she's a bit bitter and snarky about it -- change is hard.

I think the animal upstairs in the tank -- the otter that needs care -- is my sexual self -- what else could this be by the kiddie pool version of my submission --

and when I go downstairs to look for care for that otter?

I find myself waist deep in water (my feminine energy) -- and now instead of the otter swimming around -- it's these giant furry friendly beavers -- and they're smiling at me -- they're powerful (like sexuality set free?) and drench me (ahem -- oh -- nevermind-- I think I get that now)

and although I'm knocked off my feet -- we're all laughing and happy (except the MIL -- who makes a snarky remark)

seriously

I need to get laid.

Crazy Dream - vanilla post

I just woke up from an insane dream

I was with 2 friends -- some girl and a guy that I had a crush on but who didn't like mike me --

we were going to class and for some reason I decided to call my ex-MIL to bury the hatchet

She invited us for dinner.

When we get there

the house is empty

well -- almost empty

she's packing to move

and she's packed backwards -- where she's packed everything that isn't important first -- and just has piles of her most precious things left to pack

and they're everywhere.

I ask her "why didn't you say no when I asked to come to dinner if you're moving tomorrow"

she said, "I didn't want to be rude"

which is a dig

she hates me
I'm not crazy for her

So I wander around the house-- friends forgotten -- looking at her treasures -- and frankly?

looking for a few things that belonged to me that my ex still has.

I'm upstairs and I see a giant tank of water with a creature swimming in -- it -- I can't figure out what it is-- it's otter sized -- I shout out -- "are you taking the otter?"

no response

so I head downstairs to ask her again -- is she taking the otter -- are the new owners going to care for it -- or is the pond it was in self sustaining so there's no worry about the otter at all

when I get downstairs -- I'm wading in hip deep water

oh -- and not surprised by it

I see a moose off in the distance swimming and decide the otter will be fine-- it's clearly a self sustaining system if so much wildlife are in it

and then I'm horrified to see -- 2 giant creatures swimming towards me -- I can only see their blond hairy heads and a bit of tail

they stand up

and I can see that they are giant blond beavers

(oh wait -- maybe this IS a sex dream)

and by giant -- I mean like 1/2 Godzilla size

and they smile at me with beaver teeth -- and I find this disarming

and then they shoot water at me (firehose style) and drench me.

and my MIL says -- "well they've marked you now"

and I woke up to the sound of my two friends laughing their asses off.

interpret away.

Halfway there - a yummy cookie vanilla post

I'm half way through the cookie baking

but I'm at that stage

you know it

that stage when you're kitchen is so fucking cluttered and dirty and you still have so many more cookies to bake that you have a fantasy of a fire

yup

if your house burned down --

you wouldn't have to bake any more
and you wouldn't have to clean
and you could just grab a plate of cookies to eat while the cute firemen put out the blaze

yeah

that's where I am

How Blogging makes you uncool

There are a ton of cool things about blogging

the community for one -- the relationships that are built -- even the introspection -- there's something about putting your inner most thoughts out there for all to see that makes you really think about what you think about.

All in all -- blogging is good for my soul

I don't however - think blogging is good for my dating life

which makes it tough

as I don't like the idea of having something secret from my partner

but I also don't like the idea of censoring anything that I say here -- I think it's dishonest.

that being said -- I do censor a lot -- there are things I don't share -- or 1/2 share -- not everything that happens in my life is mine to tell -- and some things are just incidental -- and don't pertain to the story at hand.

At any rate -- how does blogging make you uncool?...

more specifically -- how does blogging make ME uncool.

Well -- if you're uber confident -- and never waffle or worry -- then you can come off as a pretty cool cat when blogging

I don't know if I want to READ your blog -- but I imagine you're cool - I bet people like you -- are attracted to your confidence etc.

In the dating world -- being a waffler is the kiss of death -- we have to show that we're confident all the time -- almost diffident -- "Hey man -- you're ok - but I can take you or leave you" -- indecision is a sign of weakness

weakness must be mocked and shunned.

And when I blog? I put it all out there -- pettiness-- weakness -- fear -- emotion -- weakness -- jealousy -- it's all out there

and here's the thing

the way you read me here?

a worrier -- a joker -- sensitive -- unsure -- finding myself -- and even (how did Sin put it to me) a bit tart

that's me

that's really really me

so that cool diffident person that can take it or leave it?

If you think you're getting her -- ever? she's imaginary

this is the girl you get

this one

not that other one

THIS one

but know that when I find that right partner -- either for life -- or for right now -- he's going to be the one that likes THIS girl


This mixed up worrier
This passionate partner
This blogger

THIS girl.

Cookies -- a yummy vanilla post

Every year I have my annual cookie baking party -- today is a day off to plan and prepare -- not very many of my friends can make it this year (because I live in the BFE) -- but it's on as usual.

This is how it goes sometimes -- sometimes you have tons of support - and sometimes it boils down to those few people who are at the core

Sometimes I think I like the years that it's just the core group the best.

So -- what's on the menu?

Gingerful Bisotti
Bittersweet Chocolate Cherry Biscotti
Cardamon Cookies
Brandied Tropical Fruit Bars
Napa Valley Almond Bars
Key Lime Cookies
chocolate peppermint pinwheels
chocolate dipped pretzels with toffee chips
Biscochitos
Gingerbread cookies

and something new this year -- maybe with pumpkin -- I want a soft pumpkin recipe with cranberries or chocolate chips

How much will we bake?

brace yourselves -- about 800 cookies is the average -- give or take -- since I'm making the key lime cookies which make an insane amount -- it could be closer to 1000.

Happy Holidays all -- I am shopping -- having lunch with L -- and coming home to clean and make some dough in advance.

hmmm -- maybe some of the kiddo's favorite cakey chocolate chip cookies.....

TMI vanilla post - lactose intolerance

We are making homemade hot chocolate at work tomorrow (for 150)

I am now apparently SO lactose intolerant that I get sick from carrying 10 gallons of milk

in my CAR

(thank God I made it to my place in time!)

sfp

What a tool

I woke up at 3am last night

Like I do

I usually wake up a few times a night -- I get up and go to the bathroom -- and if I don't fall right back to sleep - I open the computer

bad I know

because if I would just close my eyes -- I would get more sleep -- but now I have this bad habit.

the laptop lives on the left side of the bed

so bad me

I open the computer

and read an email or two -- and then yahoo messenger dings

I think -- 'maybe it's L -- admonishing me to go to sleep'

but it's some tool I met on Plenty of Fish

asking me why I'm up

"insomnia" I answer

"you know what's good for that" he says

I ignore him

"your pussy needs a good pounding"

::face palm::

::disconnect::

really dude?

really?

what did you expect?

Did you think I was going to say, "Why Yes -- I do need my pussy pounded -- thank you so very much for the suggestion. Please -- come over right now and pound my pussy -- the insomnia is so terrible that what I really want is for a stranger to come give me a good pounding so I can sleep"

it's like a public service