Symbols are important --
they often small things
but they carry profound meaning
In this case
a wedding ring
M's ring was stolen from his car
and
this little symbol stirred up a pile of trouble.
He filed a report and then called the Ex -- soon to be ex -- whatever she is
this meant to her
that
he's careless with the eternal symbol of their love
it emphasized that he's not wearing it
it hurt her
and then he told me about the fight they had
and this symbol to me meant
that
he's still carrying it around with him
and I had to ask
are you still wearing your ring?
and he said -- "no -- it's been in my car for ages"
and the fact that he felt he still needed
to call her right away
told me that the symbol
still has it's power
so
in an hour
he managed to upset both his women
and I told him I wasn't upset
and he said, "yes you are"
and I was
Yeah not exactly what you want to hear. Sometimes people don't think before speaking and hurt the ones they love. I am sure he feels terrible for the pain he caused you.
ReplyDeleteHugs :)
Smart man, that he knows you so well.
ReplyDeleteYou're right though. Clearly, the symbol still has power. I've heard that when you get divorced, for every year you're married, it takes a year to heal. I think that might a bit exaggerated, but i do think that all the threads of being that you've woven together have to be unwoven.
But you don't need me to tell you that!
hugs,
aisha
I'd be upset, too. But while our initial reaction is to feel our hearts drop at this sort of thing, try to roll. I think if that ring were really that meaningful to him, you would never have heard about this. It strikes me as a good sign that he's being open with you.
ReplyDeleteAisha's right. It takes time to move on, even when you are certain it's what you want and need to do. And every person's speed is different.
The good news is that, by taking the time to do it right, it's much less likely there that there will be any skeletons remaining in the closet when all is said and done.
And I know you know all this.
But you know that I know exactly where you're coming from, so I think you'll understand it's not a lecture, just a friend noting a silver lining or two you may not have registered yet.
*shoulder-bump Yankee hug thing*
Yep. It mattered to you, because it mattered to him. It,s probably all (mostly) residual feeling rather than current feeling but still... it's kind of sucky. At least it wasn't still on his finger when it was stolen?
ReplyDeletesin
I can understand your being upset, but I also know that old relationships don't evaporate into nothing. In a way, I'd be disturbed if one did, because it would imply that it meant nothing while it was going on.
ReplyDeleteEx-hubby #2's now wife was very jealous of me. Probably still is. This despite my making it very clear that I had no interest whatsoever in having him back and had found life with him to be very hard. He would talk to her about things he had done and invariably there would be many things we had done together. Now on the one hand, knowing ex #2, I'm sure he said "we" more than he needed to and was oblivious to how it affected her. On the other hand, we had 20 years together and it's tricky to present that kind of history as if you lived it all on your own.
Especially if M and his ex aren't yet divorced, they still have a lot to navigate. I think it's fair to let him know it's hard for you, but I also think you have to give him room to deal with his loss and ambivalent feelings. To grieve. Back when my first marriage broke up (1976), I read that the loss of a committed relationship of 2 years or longer is like an amputation.
Lots of hugs, and a reminder that what he's building now seems to be strong and beautiful.
o.g.
i keep symbols to remind me of times of fondness...times i know i won't get back to, that are in the past.
ReplyDeleteThe symbol is the key to turn the memory.
Isn't it good that he feels symbols like this are important...? You'd not feel at all comfortable with someone who would just throw an old relationships away completely, would you? This shows he is a deep and caring person.
one who cares enough about you to tell you, too.
love,
nilla
omg og....that one hit home!
ReplyDeleteThe rest have said it so well I don't think I need to add anything, except maybe that you have to remember he has worn this ring for a long (?) time, it also represents something that once was good, even if it didn't end that way. And even if they are memories that can cause bad feelings in you, you have to remember that they are a part of him, and always will be.
Big hugs,
Sweet girl.
thank you guys for your support -- we are fine (of course)
ReplyDeletehugs all around
sfp
(((((hugs))))))
ReplyDelete