Halfway there - a yummy cookie vanilla post

I'm half way through the cookie baking

but I'm at that stage

you know it

that stage when you're kitchen is so fucking cluttered and dirty and you still have so many more cookies to bake that you have a fantasy of a fire

yup

if your house burned down --

you wouldn't have to bake any more
and you wouldn't have to clean
and you could just grab a plate of cookies to eat while the cute firemen put out the blaze

yeah

that's where I am

How Blogging makes you uncool

There are a ton of cool things about blogging

the community for one -- the relationships that are built -- even the introspection -- there's something about putting your inner most thoughts out there for all to see that makes you really think about what you think about.

All in all -- blogging is good for my soul

I don't however - think blogging is good for my dating life

which makes it tough

as I don't like the idea of having something secret from my partner

but I also don't like the idea of censoring anything that I say here -- I think it's dishonest.

that being said -- I do censor a lot -- there are things I don't share -- or 1/2 share -- not everything that happens in my life is mine to tell -- and some things are just incidental -- and don't pertain to the story at hand.

At any rate -- how does blogging make you uncool?...

more specifically -- how does blogging make ME uncool.

Well -- if you're uber confident -- and never waffle or worry -- then you can come off as a pretty cool cat when blogging

I don't know if I want to READ your blog -- but I imagine you're cool - I bet people like you -- are attracted to your confidence etc.

In the dating world -- being a waffler is the kiss of death -- we have to show that we're confident all the time -- almost diffident -- "Hey man -- you're ok - but I can take you or leave you" -- indecision is a sign of weakness

weakness must be mocked and shunned.

And when I blog? I put it all out there -- pettiness-- weakness -- fear -- emotion -- weakness -- jealousy -- it's all out there

and here's the thing

the way you read me here?

a worrier -- a joker -- sensitive -- unsure -- finding myself -- and even (how did Sin put it to me) a bit tart

that's me

that's really really me

so that cool diffident person that can take it or leave it?

If you think you're getting her -- ever? she's imaginary

this is the girl you get

this one

not that other one

THIS one

but know that when I find that right partner -- either for life -- or for right now -- he's going to be the one that likes THIS girl


This mixed up worrier
This passionate partner
This blogger

THIS girl.

Cookies -- a yummy vanilla post

Every year I have my annual cookie baking party -- today is a day off to plan and prepare -- not very many of my friends can make it this year (because I live in the BFE) -- but it's on as usual.

This is how it goes sometimes -- sometimes you have tons of support - and sometimes it boils down to those few people who are at the core

Sometimes I think I like the years that it's just the core group the best.

So -- what's on the menu?

Gingerful Bisotti
Bittersweet Chocolate Cherry Biscotti
Cardamon Cookies
Brandied Tropical Fruit Bars
Napa Valley Almond Bars
Key Lime Cookies
chocolate peppermint pinwheels
chocolate dipped pretzels with toffee chips
Biscochitos
Gingerbread cookies

and something new this year -- maybe with pumpkin -- I want a soft pumpkin recipe with cranberries or chocolate chips

How much will we bake?

brace yourselves -- about 800 cookies is the average -- give or take -- since I'm making the key lime cookies which make an insane amount -- it could be closer to 1000.

Happy Holidays all -- I am shopping -- having lunch with L -- and coming home to clean and make some dough in advance.

hmmm -- maybe some of the kiddo's favorite cakey chocolate chip cookies.....

TMI vanilla post - lactose intolerance

We are making homemade hot chocolate at work tomorrow (for 150)

I am now apparently SO lactose intolerant that I get sick from carrying 10 gallons of milk

in my CAR

(thank God I made it to my place in time!)

sfp

What a tool

I woke up at 3am last night

Like I do

I usually wake up a few times a night -- I get up and go to the bathroom -- and if I don't fall right back to sleep - I open the computer

bad I know

because if I would just close my eyes -- I would get more sleep -- but now I have this bad habit.

the laptop lives on the left side of the bed

so bad me

I open the computer

and read an email or two -- and then yahoo messenger dings

I think -- 'maybe it's L -- admonishing me to go to sleep'

but it's some tool I met on Plenty of Fish

asking me why I'm up

"insomnia" I answer

"you know what's good for that" he says

I ignore him

"your pussy needs a good pounding"

::face palm::

::disconnect::

really dude?

really?

what did you expect?

Did you think I was going to say, "Why Yes -- I do need my pussy pounded -- thank you so very much for the suggestion. Please -- come over right now and pound my pussy -- the insomnia is so terrible that what I really want is for a stranger to come give me a good pounding so I can sleep"

it's like a public service

Differences - (vanilla post)

(I started to write this in my vanilla blog -- but some things can't be said there -- people who know us read it -- and I'm embarrassed by this. But I also need to say it....it's about my lovely student)

Sometimes the differences are wonderful

and funny

and charming

and sometimes our differences are shocking

Today M told me a story about people in her country that will shave a girl's head if she is known to date a boy that is Chinese.

they grab her on the street -- and shave her head in the name of racial purity.

and my sweet loving girl -- doesn't see that this is bad.

and I have to walk that careful line

between telling her what to think (which is useless)

and helping her to see that violence -- and bigotry is wrong. No matter what her parents or her family or her friends or her teachers have told her.

helping her to see that people of different cultures are all the same -- and deserving of the same human rights.

sometimes our differences are hard.

but I have 7 more months to go......and I won't give up.

How do you solve a problem like...lumpy? (TMI post)

ok -- maybe the Sound of Music reference was a bit weird.

Off to the doctor today who -- drum roll please....LOST MY ULTRASOUND RECORDS

This would alarm me except that I've been going to them for years and they did a very successful surgery for me a few years ago

So -- instead -- I told them what they told me when they called

Based on my statement of what the ultrasounds actually said -- we made the following decision

(pending the locating of my films)

No Fibroid Embolism

Ablation it is.

Which is a bit disturbing.

They essentially microwave your uterus -- so it stops doing it's THANG -- that makes you so miserable. -- it ends your periods altogether for about 80% and makes them super light for the rest.

I haven't had this done up until now because you can still get pregnant

you can't carry

but you can still get pregnant.

But they have this non-invasive tubal ligation that I can get done as well that will take care of that problem and free me from ingesting literally 1000's of birth control pills between now and menopause.

no sex for 2 weeks -- but hey -- I've gone longer than that without a problem.

lumpy will still go about her business making new lumps -- but they won't make me miserable.

I feel good about this decision -- I just have to figure out if I want to do it -- and make sure the insurance will pay.

a good day.