Blog Closing -- Everything must go!

All --

I am closing this blog and moving house to a new blog  -- for a variety of reasons that don't need to be explored here.

So for the next few days this post will be up - -if you would like to read my adventures at the new blog - either leave me a comment - -or better yet send me an email at yourpeacefulone@gmail.com -- so I may send you my new blog address.

It's been a great ride -- but it's time for a new chapter.

hope to see you all for Chapter 3!

sfp

Going private for a few

a plan

so there is a plan
a plan to help me get to where he wants me to be

and it's a good plan that allows me to learn and grow and catch up to him
or at least bridge some of the gap

he's such a mix of romance and sweetness and brutality that at times it's hard to reconcile the two of them

part of this plan involves the open acknowledgement that the distance is too much

and that there must be others

that there's not a way to meet all of each other's needs from a distance

which is a bit of a challenge for me
because

I expect that he's going to have another sub
or spend time with another sub

but I've sort of gotten away from the FWB that doesn't have a bit of the D/s in it

or more than a bit

I do have a Dom friend who has in the past offered to be a trainer
as we explored the world of Poly
I mentioned this as a possibility

does he want to allow play with another Dom as part of the training -- part of getting me ready for the likes of him

and I got a strongly worded response back

(and I quote)
"I am absolutely, admantantly opposed to have someone else--FWB, another Dom, anyone--picking up the slack on your training when I'm not there.

Doing so would be admitting failure from my perspective.  You are my sub; I will train you.  Progress may be slow because I'm not there on an everyday basis, but I'd rather have slow than have someone else guide you in my place."

blink

blink

blink

"you are my sub; I will train you."

so you can expect that there may be some sex in my sex blog -- but unless he's here -- there won't be any kinky sex in my kinkysex blog (although he did allow for some spanking/nipple clamps to be allowed - his version of boring vanilla stuff)

So I'm off to dreamland.

and hope that my dream dom comes and curls around me and hooks a finger into my collar in his sleep.

Dewey Doit system

My housecleaner must have me figured out
or must be very very out herself

not only did she organize my toys in my closet (putting them all together with crops tucked behind the toy bag

but put my porn in the bookshelf

in the living room

fortunately the Pixie found it and presented it to me

with a "DA!"

which must be baby talk for

"Geeze mama - in the living room?"

Mission Dompossible

Last night while Dompossible was on the plane  going home he wrote out the specs for the program.

God I love me a nerdy man
so sad

The goals
the constraints of the project
etc etc

the goal is to bring me in line with his style of play -- or find a compromise style of play that we both enjoy.

This will mean helping me to develop and grow
and the idea makes me feel all warm and happy inside.

One of our agreed upon constraints is no deception - and the need for both to have other relationships.

Neither of us want the other to be alone.

but we're seeking the balance between -- "I don't want you to lie to me" and "I don't want to really think too much about other girls you're fucking"

I think it's important that while I'm not at the place that he is at D/s wise that he get his Dom on with someone who is.

and if he finds his happily ever after with her -- so be it.

I do not plan to move
neither does he
and

we will either catch fire and burn hotly
or
fizzle out

and having a session with someone else isn't going to change that.

In the meantime -- I fully expect a list of success criteria coming in some future email :)

In the meantime

I'm going to enjoy myself
and start thinking of ways in which we can start the reprogramming of my wiring

and right this very second
stop typing and go change a baby.

Going back

So it's been an emotional few days for Dompossible and I.

Yesterday we had a family dinner out -- and we both got so caught up in all the reasons why we can't work that we made ourselves miserable.

I mean

crying in the restaurant kind of miserable.

Here's what happened

We just

sigh

we just got so close over the past few months
shared so much
that

we've sort of fallen for each other

and then

Sunday

we made a strategic mistake.

we fast forwarded physically to where we are emotionally
and

it was too much

my head was spinning
and
we were too mismatched.

so I invited him to have dinner with me tonight
and he asked to think about it

and asked to come and have dinner and talk
and we talked
while entwined on the couch
and

he took charge
and said that we were going to hit the reset button
and
back off.

So

no more play
although there were some moments
when we started to kiss
and things got hot
and nearly nearly nearly
took us back to where we were

so

I suppose
we are

dating?

well

not dating


I don't know what the hell to call it

because his business trip has been cut short - he goes home tomorrow instead of Friday
and may or may not be back in a few weeks

but we're going to see where this goes
if this goes

because there's the potential of happily ever after
and the potential of horrible heartbreak

in equal measure

but for now

no more play for this sub
for now

reset.

The meeting

Dompossible and I met
and

while there wasn't the thunderbolt.
He's sweet
and kind

and I liked him very much

We met and had an early dinner
and walked around the local outside mall

we held hands

we shared a sweet kiss on a park bench

and decided to come home

My city is huge
and the drive was long to get to my house

I needed to pick up Pixie and put her to bed -- after playing with the neighbor's 2 year old it took her less than 5 minutes to conk out.

but you don't want to know about all of that -- do you?

you want me to get to the good stuff.

Well

I'm not quite ready to write about it quite yet.

Dompossible is a sadist.
I am not a masochist

and

I'm left feeling a bit like a failure - because I couldn't take it
and I think he's more than a bit worried that he'll take me too far

because his "barely there" was way beyond my endurance

for whatever reason

perhaps because it's been too  long
and a bit of being emotionally run down

so I'm a bit sad
and a bit worried
because I don't think it's going to work for us
and I think we both really wanted it to

We have a date tonight -- for dinner

and

I predict that we'll have a great time - no play tonight -- I'll have the baby.

but ultimately,

unless we can find the right balance of play

neither of us is going to get what we want.

even thought we like each other so very very much