stressed and tired and smiling

the baby was rotten yesterday
he wouldn't sleep

all day

and then couldn't sleep

and the family and friends who say, "well why don't you keep him up during the day so he'll sleep at night" are idiots (not that I've tried this on purpose - -but when it happens accidentally, it's hideous)

because instead

he's inconsolable

he forgets how to sleep

I finally got him down
and caught a 1 hour nap at my parents

and then had to pick him up and take him home where he woke up again to eat

after which I was wired.

insane
because I had been up all day after a late night (see Nilla's blog)
and should have been able to sleep

but couldn't

I talked to M mid day -- but was too grumpy to really enjoy the time
and he wasn't free
or didn't want to talk or whatever
between 10 & 11 when I wanted to chat

so I sent him a message -- asking permission at 1045
knowing that most likely he was asleep

and at midnight got permission

of course I was up

I'm always fucking up

and not 10 seconds passed after my "Thank you Sir" text before I got out the vibe and got to work.

too tired to think it was hopeless
because normally
stressed
tired
and haven't had anything in ages
does not equal orgasm

it equals either nothing + frustration
or frustrating almostthereAlmostThereALMOSTTHEREs
but this time

holy crap

this time -- I shook the popcorn off the ceiling
even at low speed.

Thank you Sir
that was just what I needed